Excuses: Excuses; Excuses

Another creative writing piece, this time: write a list of ten excuses. Perhaps I went a little overboard, but don’t blame me, blame my excitable adolescence.

1) REMOVED just in case colleges look at this.

2)      Look, okay, this is all a misunderstanding. I wasn’t trying to rob the old lady, I simply wanted to give her a squirt. The gun was a fake, you see? A water gun. It just looks like a piece… its not my fault she had a heart attack! She just doesn’t have a sense of humor.

3)      My biker gang ate my homework.

4)      REMOVED just in case colleges look at this.

5)      Look, Mrs. Zimmerman, I don’t know what came over me. It was like, like Jesus Christ entered me? I was full of light and compassion for mankind. I saw the world differently, I just wanted to be— be better. And so this spirit, this beautiful spirit, it told me to light that goat on fire.

6)      Officer, please, there’s a perfectly good reason for that body in the back seat. Let me just get my wallet… He jams the car into drive and races off.

7)      Mom, I got home at 4am because, uh, my car broke down?

8)      It’s not you, it’s me. I just can’t date a nine-year-old child.

9)      Sometimes, you know, sometimes, I just get lonely.

10)  REMOVED just in case colleges look at this.