Nostalgia of the Mind

UPDATE: Originally, the post was titled “Jiminiy Cricket.” Fixed the spelling as of June 8, 9:03 pm.

For the first time in the three years that I have had my beloved Gmail account, I have received spam. Yes, spam. In the new mail folder. Waiting there to be read.

I feel violated. Here I was, expecting Google to have wiped slice (heh) of spam out of my Gmail inbox, and yet, here it lies. It offers me the princely sum Seven Hundred and Twenty-Five Thousand British Pounds Sterling (£725, 000.00) as part of a new Microsoft promotion. The address is, of course, microsoftpromotion7@gmail.com. Obviously, Google has failed twice.

Why, Google? I have always been a loyal customer, and yet you allow some nefarious bot to create a spam account, bypassing your suppossedly infallible CAPTCHa to spam me, and thousands, no, millions like me. I must fight back. I must rise up for the oppressed masses, huddled against their dim computer screens, crying themselves to sleep; the mere thought of spam, intruding on my clean inbox, drives me to anger, rage, resentment, action.

But what can I do? What can I do, your great and powerful Googliness? I am merely one man, against the mongrel spam hordes, crouching over their fires, and plotting your demise. I must spread the word. The country, nay, the world must know of this travesty being wrought against us. Those men armed with bots come to steal our money, our passwords, our way of life. We must never surrender. We must never admit defeat. And now the world knows.