Why you don’t mess with me June 24, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in humor, Musings, Personal, wtf.Tags: facebook, idle threat, Musings, wtf
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I wrote this little threat to tell a friend why to get a photo of him on his facebook profile:
If you don’t get a profile photo:
Step 1: I will come to your house.
Step 2: I will detonate your house using blasting caps of mercury fulminate on the explosive pentaerythritol tetranitrate (aproximately 1.6 times the explosiveness of trinitrotoluene)
Step 3: I will incapacitate you using a rubber chicken coated with the gastric acids of the, now dead, rodent infestation of my house.
Step 4: I spray you with fresh urine and dust you with powdered octanitrocubane (2.7 times the explosiveness of trinitrotoluene).
Step 5: I douse a gasoline trail a couple of blocks, and light the gasoline.
Step 6: You combust, destroying approximately a block around, and leading to my arrest and and conviction of nine counts of murder in the first degree, and four counts of unnecessary cruelty to animals.
Step 7: I am declared criminally insane, and locked in Brattleboro Retreat for the rest of my life, where I live peacefully, until killing a nurse and being shot in an attempt to escape.So, a tip.
Get a profile photo.
In case you don’t enjoy a sense of humor of my caliber and wit (Steven *ahem ahem*), this is (possibly) a joke.
Zinio *raise eyebrows* Hmm (Along with HOLYSHITWHATTHEFLUCK) June 22, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in Uncategorized, Website Musings, wtf.Tags: Personal, wtf, zinio.com
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So, anyway, I was browsing zinio.com for interesting magazines. Zinio.com, in case you didn’t know, is a purveyor of magazines for both discriminating and undiscriminating tastes. But first, some background:
It started with a bang. I sat there in a cold sweat, feeling a lump in my throat. The computer screen gaped at me, a hungry void which needed to be filled. A shiver limped down my spine.
I pressed Enter, and the world collapsed from the infinite quantum states which could have been to the one which was. The world darkened. Flickered, as if the electric current wasn’t quite what it should have been. And went out. And I sat there, alone in this … place. Never before had I felt so alone. It was a darkness so complete, I felt nonexistent. I sat there, in a nonexistent chair staring out into the nonexistence with nonexistent eyes, contemplating a world which no longer existed. And I cried.
That was the prologue from my new novel, Atalkhaphur of Karabbabazabahaababa-La-Maltacair. (pronounced ah-TALL-khahp-furr & car-AB-ah-ba-ZAHB-ah-HA-ah-ba-ahba-lah-mal-tah-CAIR)
Anyway, so I completed a survey to the kind people of zinio.com, and recieved a freeeeeeeeeeeee! subscription to any one of their hundreds if not thousands magazines. So I searched for some of my fav mags. Wired, sure. PC Mag (kind of), yep. NewScientist, unfortunately, no dice. Then I tried Scientific American. Well, see for yourself. Scroll down a page for the, well, full effect. Scientific to perhaps a biologist (or Freud).
Now Reading: Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein, your mind.
Now That To Which I Am Listening: Not really anything new. See my zune card (yeah, I’m non-conformist. Suck my ****s)
Now Playing: Still Rock Band (since release). I’m broke so I can’t afford GTAIV or COD4. Pity me, I’m poor.
Now Watching: The Original Twilight Zone (series).
UPDATE: My Mom just informed me that she reads my blog. I therefore edited a specific part of it before she reads it (unless she already has and is informing me of her readership to basically tell me that I’m fucked screwed)
Jiminy Cricket! June 8, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in Musings, wtf.Tags: gmail, google, Musings, raving, spam, wtf
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UPDATE: Originally, the post was titled “Jiminiy Cricket.” Fixed the spelling as of June 8, 9:03 pm.
For the first time in the three years that I have had my beloved Gmail account, I have received spam. Yes, spam. In the new mail folder. Waiting there to be read.
I feel violated. Here I was, expecting Google to have wiped slice (heh) of spam out of my Gmail inbox, and yet, here it lies. It offers me the princely sum Seven Hundred and Twenty-Five Thousand British Pounds Sterling (£725, 000.00) as part of a new Microsoft promotion. The address is, of course, microsoftpromotion7@gmail.com. Obviously, Google has failed twice.
Why, Google? I have always been a loyal customer, and yet you allow some nefarious bot to create a spam account, bypassing your suppossedly infallible CAPTCHa to spam me, and thousands, no, millions like me. I must fight back. I must rise up for the oppressed masses, huddled against their dim computer screens, crying themselves to sleep; the mere thought of spam, intruding on my clean inbox, drives me to anger, rage, resentment, action.
But what can I do? What can I do, your great and powerful Googliness? I am merely one man, against the mongrel spam hordes, crouching over their fires, and plotting your demise. I must spread the word. The country, nay, the world must know of this travesty being wrought against us. Those men armed with bots come to steal our money, our passwords, our way of life. We must never surrender. We must never admit defeat. And now the world knows.
The Onion – A Teaspoon of Irony May 10, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in humor, wtf.Tags: humor, the onion, wtf
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Thought that this was kind of funny. The Onion, a parody newspaper, had an article on their website (here) which was, as you can see below, was a bit mature in language
If you want me to help you find plane tickets, you best unlearn all that shit they taught you in Sunday school. I got your back, yeah—but I can turn on you in an instant. I just don’t give a fuck. Expedia, Hotwire, Cheapflights? Fuck them bitches. I got my own methods, shit you ain’t never seen before. Shit you never knew existed. But I ain’t holding no hands, I ain’t babysitting—you don’t like my style of airline-ticket purchasing, then get the fuck out of my home office. Shit.
I ain’t afraid to open up my eyes and see the world of air-travel ticket searches for what it is. Sometimes you gotta look right into the credit-card payment field and see that nothing’s down there but fear. Sometimes you gotta get your soul a little dirty. That’s what I do when I get on FareChase. I’m not looking to win the Mr. Nice Guy Award for booking plane tickets, cuz if I was, I would never get shit booked. Every second can either make you or break you, and it can put your baby nuts in a vice and crack ‘em like motherfucking pistachios, but I’m man enough to stand up there and say, “Fuck you, Priceline, you bitch-ass motherfucker.”
And after reading all that, at the very bottom of the article, below everything else, underneath the links, right next to the copyright is
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
Ahem.
Comic Relief May 1, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in wtf.Tags: wtf
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A sort of comic relief after my previous post.
This is why I don’t let my mom use my computer:
Random Contemplation (NEW!!! extra spicy) April 9, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in Musings.Tags: macs versus windows, Musings, pcs vs macs, philosophy, wtf
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Sooooo.
*ahem* *ahem*.
I’m forcing myself to write another blog post, just so that:
1. I have something to do.
2. I have another mediocre post to add to my repertoire.
So far, so good. Finally got linked to another blog (which gets marginally more posts than the interstate), but no biggy (see previous parentheses).
Some idiots to my left are getting into another flame war over Mac versus Windows. I’ve been there, and I’ve finally decided to let it go. I just don’t car anymore. Each are useful. Windows has… well… plenty of things, and OS X has other, different things. Go elsewhere for a more in depth discussion.
Hits are getting up there (nearly 300 woot, I guess), and I’m number four when you google Josh Stroud (my name, dumbass). Still haven’t gotten around to installing Apache and Fedora. By the time I do, Fedora 9 will come out (like 20 days away). It’s a spur of-the-moment thing, and now, it’s lost its inertia (translation: never gonna happen).
I switched to a new laptop yesterday, ’cause my old one’s screen broke. Installed eclipse and some plugins to make it play nice with as3 and flex 3 (I use as3 right now because I don’t know Flex at all, but I use the sdk and compiler and stuff, plus it’s cheaper than that whole environment) and then imported all my old projects into it.
K that’s it. I’m done.
After All These Years… April 4, 2008
Posted by Josh Stroud in Uncategorized.Tags: blog, miscellany, Musings, wtf
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Finally decided to post on my previously-languishing blog today. I wasn’t sure what I was going to blog about, so I figured I would freestyle it. You know, just type whatever comes to mind; write about my life, or what I read five minutes ago. Uh… ahem. So here it is. Right here. After the jump. heh. (more…)
